Thursday, October 01, 2009
Selfish mums
I have long held the very unpopular belief that women who have children are of a great detriment to our beautiful society.
When a woman has a child something disappears from her. For a long time medical professionals have believed that Placenta is merely a by-product of birth, a means of sustaining an unborn child. I dispute this. I believe that Placenta contains a woman's common sense, reasoning skills and sense of self-worth. When she has her first little baby, the whole lot is shat out with it rendering her unable to interact with the real world at large.
Don't believe me? Go to a supermarket car park and watch any of them try to park a car/get out of the car/shop/pack shopping/pay/keep control of their brats/push a trolley/open a car door/unload a trolley/get the brats into a car/reverse a car/drive a car forwards/put petrol in a car.
A perfectly good and useful woman can be ruined by having children.
Today I went to the local shopping centre and parked in the multi storey car park attached. To my utter dismay and unbridled disappointment, when I returned to my car, someone had parked so close to my car, I was unable to open the driver's side door more than 20cm. Now I admit I'm not the slimmest of chaps, however, I had no hope of getting into my car, no matter how much I breathed in. The only route to the driver's seat was through the passenger side door.
I briefly considered waiting until the offender arrived back at their vehicle and giving them the benefit of my wisdom (abusing them severely). However I thought this a waste of my valuable time to hang around just to make a mother cry. Unable to leave the scene without some means of retribution I thought a polite note should cover all the points I'd liked to have put to them in person. The note read thus:
Thanks you selfish Fuckwit. You parked so close I couldn't get in my car. You are obviously a complete retard
That made me feel slightly better. I hope it ruined someone else's day though. You may be wondering how I knew this person was a brain dead school-run-mum. Because they were driving a (badly parked) Citroen Picasso, that's why.
When a woman has a child something disappears from her. For a long time medical professionals have believed that Placenta is merely a by-product of birth, a means of sustaining an unborn child. I dispute this. I believe that Placenta contains a woman's common sense, reasoning skills and sense of self-worth. When she has her first little baby, the whole lot is shat out with it rendering her unable to interact with the real world at large.
Don't believe me? Go to a supermarket car park and watch any of them try to park a car/get out of the car/shop/pack shopping/pay/keep control of their brats/push a trolley/open a car door/unload a trolley/get the brats into a car/reverse a car/drive a car forwards/put petrol in a car.
A perfectly good and useful woman can be ruined by having children.
Today I went to the local shopping centre and parked in the multi storey car park attached. To my utter dismay and unbridled disappointment, when I returned to my car, someone had parked so close to my car, I was unable to open the driver's side door more than 20cm. Now I admit I'm not the slimmest of chaps, however, I had no hope of getting into my car, no matter how much I breathed in. The only route to the driver's seat was through the passenger side door.
I briefly considered waiting until the offender arrived back at their vehicle and giving them the benefit of my wisdom (abusing them severely). However I thought this a waste of my valuable time to hang around just to make a mother cry. Unable to leave the scene without some means of retribution I thought a polite note should cover all the points I'd liked to have put to them in person. The note read thus:
Thanks you selfish Fuckwit. You parked so close I couldn't get in my car. You are obviously a complete retard
That made me feel slightly better. I hope it ruined someone else's day though. You may be wondering how I knew this person was a brain dead school-run-mum. Because they were driving a (badly parked) Citroen Picasso, that's why.
Well hello blog, how have you been?
Wow,
it been a long time since I blogged. One post was accidental, I done a group reply from my old email address about a virus. It didn't make good reading to be honest.
I just read some of my old posts. I liked them , even if no one else did.
Perhaps blogging is a way to get rid of the perpetual frustrations of life that I face day to day. I'll give it another go.
it been a long time since I blogged. One post was accidental, I done a group reply from my old email address about a virus. It didn't make good reading to be honest.
I just read some of my old posts. I liked them , even if no one else did.
Perhaps blogging is a way to get rid of the perpetual frustrations of life that I face day to day. I'll give it another go.
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